Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
