you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
