Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
