Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
