I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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