i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
