yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
