Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
