well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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