mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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