3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
