I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize