In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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