Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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