I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
