I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
