this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
