Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
