Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
