What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
