is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
