the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
