Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
