i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
