I wish I could punch you in the face.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
