Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
