But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
