When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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