Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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