Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize