i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
