who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I want you more than these girls want KFC
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
