the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
