I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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