Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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