I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize