i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
