Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up under a house in Key West
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