And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
