Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
