I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
