Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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