Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
