Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
