I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
