I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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