Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
