best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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