dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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