i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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