Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
