alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
