My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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