I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
