why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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