I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
