You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
