the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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