doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize