Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
