We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize