Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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