You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
