YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's on the porch naked. Help.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
