They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
