My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
