not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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