Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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