never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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