i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
ttyl tear gas
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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