his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
