Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
