smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
