I want to make a zoo with you.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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