I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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