Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize